15 Feb

The 7 Most Common Arguments All Married Couples Have

Every couple has a disagreement or argument from time-to-time.

Take heart! It is possible to step back from the brink of a relationship disaster by following these six steps.

By knowing to watch out for these arguments, you can better ensure that you dodge these relationship bullets.

Consider seven of the most common ones:

#1: Parents

Couples often argue about their parents/in-laws. For example, one partner is very close to their parents and spends a lot of time talking to them. The other partner feels that they should be spending time together, instead.

Also, there may be a problem that things said between one-another are not kept in confidence by one of the partners. This makes it hard to feel like there is trust and confidentiality. Thus, the offended partner becomes reluctant to share anything meaningful.

#2: Spending Time Together

You want to go to a show, while your partner would prefer to stay at home. Having mismatched ideas as to how to spend free time together can be a source of conflict. Even if you both had similar interests when dating, those interests may have changed over time.

So, instead of having quality experiences together, you both wind up choosing to spend free time separately. Sadly, that means that you are no longer creating meaningful and loving experiences as a couple.

#3: The Bedroom

Another area where there are often mismatched ideas is the bedroom. You just want to go to sleep after a long day of work, yet your partner is “in the mood.”

Instead of having an active sex life, you have run into a roadblock. This makes it difficult to feel physically close to one another.

#4: Division of Labor

A big area that creates conflict is when there is a lack of agreement on who does which chores. If one partner is taking the burden of housework alone, resentment can build up.

This is especially true if you are working on chores while you see your partner having fun (watching TV, etc.). It sends the message that your partner does not care about helping maintain the home. Which, by extension, also implies a lack of investment in the relationship.

#5: Children

Differences in child-rearing philosophies will inevitably lead to conflict. For example:

  • Decisions about the kinds of extracurricular activities your child should engage in
  • Appropriate discipline for inappropriate behaviors
  • Different styles of parenting

These are probably some of the same things that you did together when first dating. They still apply now, as they are important for getting to know each other again.

#6: Money

One of the biggest sources of contention between couples is money. That includes, for example:

  • How to spend money
  • What is the best way to save money
  • Which should be the important financial priorities in your relationship

When couples have a disagreement around money, it’s more than just about finances. Money also represents trust.

If your partner goes out and spends a lot of money from jointly-held funds, you may perceive that as a breach of trust. Of course, trust is a fundamental building block for any relationship.

#7: Decision Making

Ideally, all of the decisions made that affect the relationship are done together. When you and your partner are in agreement, it shows that you are thinking and working as a team.

However, when one partner makes most or all the decisions, it sets up an unhealthy power dynamic. The other partner will most likely resent being told what to do. Or, even if the other partner complies, it establishes a relationship that is unequal.

What to Do About Arguments

Ideally, all of the decisions made that affect the relationship are done together. When you and your partner are in agreement, it shows that you are thinking and working as a team.

Of course, to avoid conflict, couples should know the common pitfalls that affect relationships. For that reason, couples counseling can be a particularly helpful resource for couples who struggle to find common ground.